Fears For the Next 4 Years

I've been trying to put my feelings into words. Perhaps a conversation with an assistant hall coordinator from yesterday can be shared here:

Today you asked, “How are you doing?”

At first not liking the look in your eye, I didn’t want to say anything. The gloat, the glimpse of satisfaction because your man won. So, I said, “Okay, I’m sad, and I’m frightened.” I hate that 11 states voted to make it illegal for friends of mine to be recognized as legal wage-earning, tax-paying couples. Instead, in those states [two simply across state lines] my friends have, overnight, become second-class citizens. How odd it must be to go to bed one night with the same rights of your neighbors and to wake the next morning missing a very important one. All because a certain cross-section of our society deems them unfit. And while I’m at it, do you REALLY want to hear my fears of the repeal of Roe v. Wade?

Your reply of, “Sure, why not, we know it’s going to happen,” sent a chill through me. At that point, I knew that I could no longer hope that it’s your youth that drives you to believe in him. Yet I continue by asking you if you really believe it’s your right to take away my right to choose the option of aborting a cluster of cells that have yet to specialize into anything. You said you believe it’s wrong to destroy a human being. To which I asked what you think of all the innocent Iraqi children being murdered everyday. When you said that was something different entirely, I asked how so. You said because it’s war. I said, “You can do better than that,“ to which you had no reply. I reminded you that you hadn’t answered my question. What if me, at 47 would find myself pregnant? Suppose the baby would be born severely handicapped? Suppose, at my age, I simply didn’t want it. Do you really have the right to deny me mine? There are ways to prevent it from happening, you said. I snorted, really? Yeah, I’ve had my tubes tied which is only 98% effective, like the pill, and I know the pill isn’t fool-proof. I got pregnant while on it and miscarried. Once again, I asked for an answer and got none, what I got from you was, “I’m not going to discuss this with you when you’re so hot; I’ll wait for you to cool down.” I saw a shadow of shame in your eyes.

And when I once again spoke of those newly-made second class citizens and how shameful it was for the man who pledged an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect ALL citizens 4 years ago, you had the courtesy to blanch a bit. When you tried to make a joke of it, I said, “Please don’t make a joke at this time.” I said to you that he would be doing the same thing again in January and what a ****ing hypocrite he is for doing so. You did finally ask why it mattered so to me; why I am so passionate about it. I just shook my head and said, “Because some day it may be you in my shoes agonizing over something you’re scared shitless of losing. At that, you had nothing more to say, except this,

“I know you’re against the war, but please support the troops.”

I just don't get it. I've never said that I don't support the troops, but that's a whole other conversation.



Post a Comment

<< Home